Most people

Like you, most people think they are reasonable and fairly easy to get along with. However, others may not agree with you. You may come across differently than they way you think you are.

As we discussed in one of the last Partner-Pipeline® courses, everyone has a default style when there is disagreement of opinion or about how things should go. And your style may conflict with the other party’s style, causing you to contribute to making situations more difficult than they need to be.

Examples

For instance, some people believe that they are facilitating solutions when they assert their opinion or position up front. That way, everyone knows what they are thinking, thereby eliminating misunderstanding. They are confident in their logic and communicate in clear, direct language. However, this style is often viewed as being inflexible and not interested in listening to others. While it may be true that they are willing to hear from others, they come across as “my way or the highway.”

Another style is where people hold back their views and preferences and let others express theirs first.  That’s fine, but if their positions are contrary to what has been expressed, they often are hesitant to express their thoughts for fear of creating conflict. So they go along with what has been asserted by the other. In doing so, they sacrifice what they really believe and want, which create feelings of being taken advantage of or dismissed by the other.

Others are also reluctant to offer their opinions, but rather than accommodating the other, they avoid the discussion altogether. They don’t believe they can influence the other and don’t want to be influenced by them. Their delays, “forgetfulness” and other ways of putting off potentially conflictual situations serves them well to avoid a disagreement, but the conflict is still unresolved.

As I said earlier, we all have a default conflict-style approach. Once you know what it is, you can adjust your style and engage situations with maturity and effectiveness. You can turn the potential disagreement into a conversation where both of you share your position while listening to the other, achieving a solution that serves you both. It’s called win-win and both are engaged in finding a resolution so that neither of you overpower, accommodate or avoid awkward or difficult situations.

And that’s how you avoid making situations worse.