Welcome to the long awaited holiday season—a time of rest and relaxation. A time to settle back and take a breath. That describes you during this season, right?

Is it that, or will you be torn between thinking about all the year-end stuff at the office and spending time with family and friends? You want to do both. You feel obligated to do both. Sometimes, you just can’t do both. So what are you going to do?

While this dilemma isn’t new, it has received significant attention over the last couple of decades. It’s referred to as work/life balance and it seems that everyone has an opinion about it. Here’s mine.

Work/life balance is a false choice. Stated this way, you force yourself to consider two opposing options, neither of which is sufficient by itself. So you end up doing one thing while thinking about the other. That means you’re not enjoying either. You feel guilty, frustrated and generally discontent. That’s not balancing anything.

You end up doing something you really want to avoid—“shoulding” on yourself. That’s when no matter what you’re doing, you think you should be doing something else. Shoulding on yourself is so self-defeating and there is no way to recover.

Instead, consider work/life integration. That’s where you do what you’re doing at the moment because you CHOOSE to do it. While there are other choices in the wings, they will have to wait. You can be fully engaged in what you’re doing now because you’ve allotted time to deal with the others in their own time (which isn’t now).

This season, instead of futilely trying to balance yourself, break the mental habits of shoulding and adopt the habits of choosing. You’ll enjoy the moment, the activity and the company. Now you’re much more balanced and you can truly rest and relax.

Have a good one.