When I had a counseling practice, I saw many people who were their own worst enemy.
They would do things that got them the opposite of what they wanted. Clinicians
call this self-defeating behavior, because the behaviors people exhibit actually
defeat what they really want.

To a certain degree, all people do this. It only becomes a problem when someone
gets fed up with it enough to do something about it. Then they seek out a
therapist to help them discover and break through to get what they want.

I see the same phenomenon in my coaching practice with professionals like you. You
practice self-defeating behavior all the time. Sometimes you learn to work
around it or compensate for it; but eventually it catches up with you as you
progress in your career.

There are two primary sources of self-defeating behavior. Both tend to be subtle enough
that you don’t even recognize it until they are pointed out to you.

The first is self-limiting thinking. Any time you say, “Oh, I could never do that,”
or “I don’t really deserve that,” you are engaging in self-limiting thinking. You
have created a mental ceiling that prevents you from passing through. Now
amount of want-to or accountability will break through the ceiling.

The second is self-sabotaging actions. You do the very things that prevent you from
achieving what you would like to accomplish. Procrastination is a perfect
example. You say, “If I could just find the time, I would do it.” Of course,
you never find the time because you allow other activities to take precedence.
There is always something pressing that requires your attention. So you say, “I’ll
get to it tomorrow.” Yeah? And how many tomorrows have come and gone, and you
still haven’t gotten to it?

The solution to self-defeating behavior? It varies by person. For you, it may be
lack of focus. For your colleague down the hall, it’s her self-management
practices. For another, it’s his lack of motivation. There are only a finite
number of reasons why you engage in self-defeating behavior and when you finally
are fed up with bumping your head against the self-imposed ceiling, you will do
something about it.

So, how long you will tolerate yourself-imposed constrictions? You may not have
reached your tolerance threshold yet. However, if you’re ready to break through
to the next level, give me a call to see if I’m the one to help you. Or find
someone else. But whatever you do, don’t accept head bumping. It only gives you
headaches and nothing to show for it. Besides, your life is too short and your
contributions too valuable to fritter away one more day.